regaining control

having a baby is hard. really REALLY hard. so of course i took time off to learn how to be a mom and all that good stuff. i figured i wouldn’t miss SL much because i haven’t been getting on there much lately but when you are suddenly unable to get to your safe happy spot in the middle of chaos, it can be quite unnerving.

second life has always been an escape for me, and that is usually something bad. in my case however its a necessity. i need that escape time to center myself and regain control. to stop the potential melt downs.

but i am an adult, and i have a baby boy to take care of, and sometimes escape is impossible. and so i was cracking ever so slowly under the chaos of being a mother.

babies do not sleep. i expected this, and laughed it off because i barely sleep either. but i did not realize that baby not sleeping meant baby not happy… and when babies are not happy, they start to destroy the fabric of space and time and you become a walking zombie with a baby on your boob at all hours of the day (or a bottle in your hand if you prefer).

and there is no escape.

i vented all over the place which is bad, got mad at people trying to give advice that i didn’t agree with, and all around was a douche bag in my opinion.

then my son finally learned to sleep. and i had a few hours of blissful escape when he went to bed.

everything was calm. everything was fine.

a routine has set in and now after a sweet early xmas present from family, i get my chance to escape from this chaos, and de-stress. they bought me a laptop, that can run second life, and now i don’t have to quietly sneak away from a sleeping baby only to run back in when he wakes again. i can sit next to him and snuggle and still have my escape.

balance. i needed balance.

i am trying here and there to pop in to second life (and also world of warcraft) when i can. i’ve even made a few things for my store. i’m hoping to return to blogging and photo taking, as time allows. the laptop graphics aren’t as good as my desktop, so photos will still be done at the desk, but at least i can write in bed and visit with friends. and not feel so disconnected.