hello readers! if you are interested in continuing to read my personal blog about second life, please visit my new domain http://nimil-blackflag.net/.
i don’t know how to be a mom.
that’s what i said to caesey in 2008 when she joined my family. this adorable little girl floated into our store wearing love kills, and we fell in love. we kidnapped her, and we kept her for our own. i was scared to death. even though this is a virtual world, sl kids come with responsibility, and my previous sl kid had been a crazy stalker, so i was wary. i had no idea this person could steal my heart like she did.
we had bad times, her and i. things didn’t work out the first time around. i am working towards fixing as much as i can, but of course with my real life mom responsibilities, i don’t get to see her much at all.
winter camp happened and as it happens every time camp comes around, caesey joined in. this was my first year that i was able to attend parents night. it was a lovely event, a bit laggy, but a lot of fun. i stood around feeling awkward, because her other family was there (i’m a “forever mommy” now.. not her current actual mom). but she got me to sit on poseballs and take photos with her, and after a few crashes i finally snapped a good one. then she showed me her bunk, and we had our sad little goodbye moment.
i am lucky to have met this little spot of sunshine, and i gush about her constantly, i hope she always knows just how much her friendship, and her light, means to me.
i’m not sure why i’ve been so lazy in this blog, i’m not dead i promise! i have actually been in second life quite a bit lately. vincent goes to sleep about 8 or 9pm most nights and i jump on sl and enjoy some time with friends or quiet time with my inventory. i’ve been able to release a few new items in the shop and i’m even tossing around the idea of taking a few photography clients, as long as they can deal with my late night schedule…
i’ve even been exploring second life again which is nice. i have no one telling me not to go certain places which opens my world up tremendously. i’ve explored rp sims, and shopping sims, and everything in between. it has reminded me how much i love this virtual world. its a nice vacation from my skybox.
i guess this is mostly a post to show off photos? i did a pile up yesterday of a plurk friend.
she is the epitome of pink and glitter, so it was only fair to make her all glittery. the original is here. incase anyone else would like to give the pile up a try.
i have run out of things to talk about, so i’ll stop blogging for now…
having a baby is hard. really REALLY hard. so of course i took time off to learn how to be a mom and all that good stuff. i figured i wouldn’t miss SL much because i haven’t been getting on there much lately but when you are suddenly unable to get to your safe happy spot in the middle of chaos, it can be quite unnerving.
second life has always been an escape for me, and that is usually something bad. in my case however its a necessity. i need that escape time to center myself and regain control. to stop the potential melt downs.
but i am an adult, and i have a baby boy to take care of, and sometimes escape is impossible. and so i was cracking ever so slowly under the chaos of being a mother.
babies do not sleep. i expected this, and laughed it off because i barely sleep either. but i did not realize that baby not sleeping meant baby not happy… and when babies are not happy, they start to destroy the fabric of space and time and you become a walking zombie with a baby on your boob at all hours of the day (or a bottle in your hand if you prefer).
and there is no escape.
i vented all over the place which is bad, got mad at people trying to give advice that i didn’t agree with, and all around was a douche bag in my opinion.
then my son finally learned to sleep. and i had a few hours of blissful escape when he went to bed.
everything was calm. everything was fine.
a routine has set in and now after a sweet early xmas present from family, i get my chance to escape from this chaos, and de-stress. they bought me a laptop, that can run second life, and now i don’t have to quietly sneak away from a sleeping baby only to run back in when he wakes again. i can sit next to him and snuggle and still have my escape.
balance. i needed balance.
i am trying here and there to pop in to second life (and also world of warcraft) when i can. i’ve even made a few things for my store. i’m hoping to return to blogging and photo taking, as time allows. the laptop graphics aren’t as good as my desktop, so photos will still be done at the desk, but at least i can write in bed and visit with friends. and not feel so disconnected.
november brought about a big change in my life, and i forgot to really write about it on here. i broke up with lucas, reconciled differences with a long lost rl love, and now live safe and happy in his home where i’ll be slowly creating another human being for the next few months… the hardest work of art i’ll probably ever create.
i’ve barely been on second life since. i did make a new store, to continue to sell the cool stuff i created under the [LuNi] name. unlike lucas, i am not using any of the items created by the both of us. he however is still selling my work, under his name, on marketplace… i do not have the time nor money to dcma all of the things he has up, but i hope he will at some point realize that this is wrong and remove them.
there were a lot of things i could not say, or do, when i was with lucas. he kept me caged up a bit, even though he’d say he never told me i couldn’t do things. his anger at me when i would do as i wished was enough to keep me locked away.
i am my own person now. and no one tells me what to do. i am enjoying my life, however its now more outside of second life than it was before. i recall being so envious of people who would leave second life, citing they had rl stuff to attend to… i finally have that, and it feels good to not NEED to log in.
i do enjoy logging in now and then, to visit with people, and play dress up. i do want to continue my fashion blog and i should write here once in a while, but i’m just not around as much as i was before…
my life is finally exciting. i have real love that doesn’t lock me away in cages and limit my interaction with the rest of the world. i’m smiling now instead of crying (except when those damn pregnancy hormones kick in) life is beautiful.
yes i’m a shitty blogger. i go for long stretches of time without any sort of communication. sorry…
if you pay attention to my fashion blog, that’s where i’ve been blogging mostly. i haven’t had much to say about sl that wasn’t me shopping so eh..
i have been taking pretty pictures and becoming more comfortable with shadows and the kirsten viewer. i still use a regular viewer (at the moment singularity) for day to day second life, but kirstens has become my photo tool.
recently i was comissioned by an old friend for a couple of contest photos, here are the photos i did for her:
this is for the N-core and Hucci contest
and this is for the hugo’s designs april photo contest 😀
mali is a delightful model and i love working with her.
also going on in my life, i am a meeroo mommy O_O if you noticed on my fashion blog, i have been playing with the open beta meeroos for a bit now! i’ve only got 2 rezzed cause i didn’t really want to end up with a huge truck load of them to start out with. my 2 had a baby this afternoon and now i have 3 😀 they are adorable and i need to take more pictures.. i guess that’s a reason to blog eh?
other than that, not much to say. learning a bit more about tools to make sculpties and someday meshes, learning a bit more about texturing…
i really need to come up with a new layout for this place >_< maybe that will make me want to blog more…
i know i’ve not been writing much, i’ve been roaming around in other videogames and not doing much of nothing in second life. mostly its because i’m in kind of a stand off with second life viewers. thanks to emerald fucking up, i’ve had to try and find something new to use. of course i did jump over to imprudence because of what i mentioned before, however recently their builds have been highly unstable on my computer, and no one can see to figure out why. my crash dumps are always empty! it makes no sense! especially with the computer i’m running sl on. i never crashed on my old piece of junk, but here i am running high powered newness and its crash city.
sometimes i wish i could just piece together the awesome from all viewers and have it my way. of course i can’t do that because i don’t know anything about programming, but if i could here’s what i would make.
- the shadows from kirstens viewer. i love all the extra stuff she’s included to help control how shadows appear. not to mention the fact that you can take photos with shadows on instead of having to screen shot. and unlike 2.0’s shadows. you actually have your eyeballs.
- multi-wearables a-la-2.0. i want multi layers! not all too interested in multi attachments but the layers i would so very much love to have now that we have tattoo and alpha layers.
- the UI from old SL. i hate the new 2.0 viewer UI. i’m sorry yes i’m in that camp with the rest. it drives me insane and i can’t get used to it. the tear off sidebar is helping a little but there is a lot that i just do not enjoy.
- the features from imprudence. radar, temp uploads, double click tp (which i’m told is in other viewers as well but i mainly use imp) rlv, ANTI ALIASING THAT WORKS, devs who give a crap about their users and don’t do stupid immature bullshit.
- unlimited radar range from who ever is keeping that little bit from emerald. yes i’m sorry i like knowing who is on the sim i’m on, its not because i’m spying, its just because i don’t like not knowing who is around me. personal preference.
on top of all that, i’d love a viewer that does not crash on my beast of a system please and thank you.
what would you like to see in a second life viewer? what would be your dream viewer?
i will try to write more if my life becomes un-boring :p