Create a Character Blog Challenge : Nimil (the real nimil…)

character-meme---nimil-1

to call nimil complex would be an understatement. she is so many things and most importantly, she is a major part of my life. to me nimil is more than just a character, she was therapy.

when i graduated high school, my father almost died, i was in a terrifying time in my life, not sure where to go from there, instead of immediately enrolling in college, i chose to stay home, to be with my father, as we were told he had months to live. i turned 18, i got the internet, and i spent an enormous amount of time on a forum for a videogame called “wild arms”. it was there that i made my first online friends. i joined in roleplay, as i had been introduced to dungeons and dragons recently by my then boyfriend. nimil is actually my real life name in elf, translated by him, and used by me for my d&d character, and then again in the roleplay on that forum.

character-meme---nimil-2

at first she was trapped in the body of a nephilim named lenora, who was half elf, half angelic (we were not on earth, so angelic is the closest thing i can think of for an “angel”). lenora was a troubled soul, lost from her home land, taken in by travelers, and fell in love with another nephilim, the only other of their kind left in the world, who had issues of his own. he left her, and joined up with their nemisis, who promised him great power. this demi-god had spent a very long time destroying their entire race, and now he had betrayed his own kind to join forces with him.

lenora was broken hearted, and it was then that she died, comitting suicide in a way. she had heard nimil whisper in her mind. nimil was a secondary soul of sorts, and she made a deal with lenora. nimil became the owner of the body, and lenora went to sleep.

character-meme---nimil-3

nimil however was not a very nice thing. originally an angelic, part of the all-father’s army, she was not unlike the christian’s lucifer. too prideful and stuck on herself and her kind to acknowledge the existence of other beings, she and many others of her kind began a rebellion against their brothers and sisters. it was she and her twin brother nikolai who led a march to take down the all father himself, and they were all cast out of the stars.

nikolai and nimil were separated, and nimil’s body, too damaged to continue life, even as a non-angelic, died. nimil’s soul was left, lost in limbo, until the fates found a suitable host, the body of lenora.

when lenora went to sleep, and allowed nimil full control, she put her plan into action. she would rule this world and this time no god or demi-god would stop her, because this time she would have one on her side. she seduced the god of death, and talked him into making her one of the fates. he bestowed upon her, power over life and death, ripped her from lenora’s body and restored her to her former flesh. nimil raised lenora as a zombie and sent her out, lost, in search of the nephilim boy who betrayed her. nimil’s cruelty knew no limit, and she wreaked havoc upon the land.

realizing his mistake, blinded as he was by her beauty and sweet words, death punished nimil. banishing her to another dimension, stripping her of all but her wings. her powers purged, she was thrown into modern day earth, smashing though a stained glass window, in a city church. nimil fell again…

her story ended here, as this is where the roleplaying tapered off, and i joined second life where i attempted many times to visually capture my muse.

noobnimil2nimil upgradedAn Attempt

 

for me nimil was more than a roleplay character. she gave me strength when i felt i had none. through her i was able to bash out all the chaos and bad things that were going on around me. for a while there i ate, breathed, and slept nimil. i wrote up her entire life, and i still have it sitting on my computer, painfully in need of editing. nimil taught me how to write.

nimil is my soul.

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hello

meh

i’m not sure why i’ve been so lazy in this blog, i’m not dead i promise! i have actually been in second life quite a bit lately. vincent goes to sleep about 8 or 9pm most nights and i jump on sl and enjoy some time with friends or quiet time with my inventory.  i’ve been able to release a few new items in the shop and i’m even tossing around the idea of taking a few photography clients, as long as they can deal with my late night schedule…

i’ve even been exploring second life again which is nice. i have no one telling me not to go certain places which opens my world up tremendously. i’ve explored rp sims, and shopping sims, and everything in between. it has reminded me how much i love this virtual world. its a nice vacation from my skybox.

roleplay sims

i guess this is mostly a post to show off photos? i did a pile up yesterday of a plurk friend.

magenta

she is the epitome of pink and glitter, so it was only fair to make her all glittery. the original is here. incase anyone else would like to give the pile up a try.

i have run out of things to talk about, so i’ll stop blogging for now…

regaining control

test

having a baby is hard. really REALLY hard. so of course i took time off to learn how to be a mom and all that good stuff. i figured i wouldn’t miss SL much because i haven’t been getting on there much lately but when you are suddenly unable to get to your safe happy spot in the middle of chaos, it can be quite unnerving.

second life has always been an escape for me, and that is usually something bad. in my case however its a necessity. i need that escape time to center myself and regain control. to stop the potential melt downs.

but i am an adult, and i have a baby boy to take care of, and sometimes escape is impossible. and so i was cracking ever so slowly under the chaos of being a mother.

babies do not sleep. i expected this, and laughed it off because i barely sleep either. but i did not realize that baby not sleeping meant baby not happy… and when babies are not happy, they start to destroy the fabric of space and time and you become a walking zombie with a baby on your boob at all hours of the day (or a bottle in your hand if you prefer).

and there is no escape.

i vented all over the place which is bad, got mad at people trying to give advice that i didn’t agree with, and all around was a douche bag in my opinion.

then my son finally learned to sleep. and i had a few hours of blissful escape when he went to bed.

everything was calm. everything was fine.

a routine has set in and now after a sweet early xmas present from family, i get my chance to escape from this chaos, and de-stress. they bought me a laptop, that can run second life, and now i don’t have to quietly sneak away from a sleeping baby only to run back in when he wakes again. i can sit next to him and snuggle and still have my escape.

balance. i needed balance.

i am trying here and there to pop in to second life (and also world of warcraft) when i can. i’ve even made a few things for my store. i’m hoping to return to blogging and photo taking, as time allows. the laptop graphics aren’t as good as my desktop, so photos will still be done at the desk, but at least i can write in bed and visit with friends. and not feel so disconnected.

i want to play cloud party!

since it was mentioned a couple of days ago, i’ve been attempting to join the rest of my sl plurk pals in the facebook virtual world of “cloud party” however i’ve had no luck thus far. every time i attempt to join the game i get this:

i know other people are playing because i’m sitting here looking at screenshots! but i am sadly unable to get into the world no matter how much i try. its been 3 or 4 days now and still no luck 😦

6 years of nimil blackflag

my 6th rez day is on the 11th but unfortunately i won’t be able to celebrate it because i will be at a doctor’s appointment getting needles stabbed into me (yay glucose test…bleh) so i figured i’d write a little blog early to celebrate the day.

when i rezzed into second life i was not looking for anything specific, i wasn’t there for fame, money, or sex. i just wanted something to do. i needed something to waste time on, and wasting time is what i did.

but while i wasted time i also gained quite a bit. good friends, good and bad experiences, and a few awesome new skills. i gained confidence, and social skills that i was severely lacking before hand. although i am still socially awkward and will probably always be that way, i feel that i am much better at expressing my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, to other people because of the experience i’ve had in second life.

thanks to second life i was able to open up and be friendly and make friends, something i have a hard time with in the real world. i gained a support net which helped carry me though some horrible times in my life, the death of my father, the death of my mother, and trying to climb though years of depression that had built up around me like a brick wall.

my 5th year in second life ended with a major change that left me a bit lonely in second life. i no longer have a partner there. this was my choice, and ultimately the best decision i could have come to. but it left me without much of a tie to second life. i can speak to most of my friends via other means, plurk, twitter, and things like that. i spend more time in the real world now which is great but i do miss my virtual world. i just can’t seem to find something that attaches me to it anymore. now with the coming of my son, i find myself even less interested in sitting in a chair.

i am not leaving second life, and this is obviously not a goodbye post, but something about second life seems lost to me now, just like real life used to. it is strange how things have flipped almost completely. i will keep logging in, keep shopping, keep wasting time (what time i have of course..), but its lonely here now and i feel disconnected. i feel uninspired… its like the rl human who entered second life is now in the virtual world, and the avatar that took from second life, all she needed, has become the human being.

i have no idea what i was trying to get at with this ramble, but yeah.. that’s where i am at the moment. over-complex as always.

happy 6 years nimil blackflag, you have served me well.

may 2012 - bored as hell

second life glamour shots

a couple of days ago Aevalah Nikolaidis on plurk issued the challenge that we should make glamour shot photos using the variety of tips found in this hilarious blog article featuring real life glamour shots. she even created a flickr group for it and i just couldn’t resist! i never got glamour shot photos.. they were never my thing but thanks to the magic of second life, i’m able to fix that!

nimil glamourshot

nimil glamourshot

i tried to hit these with that awful soft light fuzzyness that real glamour shot photos have but i’m so pale that it washed me out a bit too much.

and yes i KNOW i need to start posting here more. real life has reduced me to barely fashion blogging, let alone actually living in second life. but real life is more interesting so its not a big deal :p

i forgot

in your secret hiding place

november brought about a big change in my life, and i forgot to really write about it on here. i broke up with lucas, reconciled differences with a long lost rl love, and now live safe and happy in his home where i’ll be slowly creating another human being for the next few months… the hardest work of art i’ll probably ever create.

i’ve barely been on second life since. i did make a new store, to continue to sell the cool stuff i created under the [LuNi] name. unlike lucas, i am not using any of the items created by the both of us. he however is still selling my work, under his name, on marketplace… i do not have the time nor money to dcma all of the things he has up, but i hope he will at some point realize that this is wrong and remove them.

there were a lot of things i could not say, or do, when i was with lucas. he kept me caged up a bit, even though he’d say he never told me i couldn’t do things. his anger at me when i would do as i wished was enough to keep me locked away.

i am my own person now. and no one tells me what to do. i am enjoying my life, however its now more outside of second life than it was before. i recall being so envious of people who would leave second life, citing they had rl stuff to attend to… i finally have that, and it feels good to not NEED to log in.

i do enjoy logging in now and then, to visit with people, and play dress up. i do want to continue my fashion blog and i should write here once in a while, but i’m just not around as much as i was before…

my life is finally exciting. i have real love that doesn’t lock me away in cages and limit my interaction with the rest of the world. i’m smiling now instead of crying (except when those damn pregnancy hormones kick in) life is beautiful.

how to (possibly) get viewer “3” to work

i’ve noticed a few people have mentioned on plurk that they cannot get the newest LL viewer to work for them. i had this problem too, and i was given a solution by oriana kuhr that helped me get the stupid thing to work. this work around is for people who have a 64bit windows OS.

when you install the viewer, it will most likely install it to the default x86 program files folder. for some reason this is causing problems with the viewer, making it strangely unstable, or just not even run. for me, i couldn’t get the damn thing to even load past the login screen.

to remedy this, you must install the viewer outside of that x86 folder which is so simple, even a blingtard could do it.

when you are installing, and see a window like this:

8-26-2011-2-41-06-PM-0e86

just click in the box and edit out the (x86) portion. (ignore my drive letter, i install second life viewers to a different hard drive)

your box should now look like this:

8-26-2011-2-41-23-PM-5084

just hit install and the rest is as normal!

i hope this helps some of you get your viewer to work!

Edited to add:

more tutorials are popping up for other issues with this new viewer. if my work around doesn’t work, try this!

change your DNS to combat lag – QueenKellee