to call nimil complex would be an understatement. she is so many things and most importantly, she is a major part of my life. to me nimil is more than just a character, she was therapy.
when i graduated high school, my father almost died, i was in a terrifying time in my life, not sure where to go from there, instead of immediately enrolling in college, i chose to stay home, to be with my father, as we were told he had months to live. i turned 18, i got the internet, and i spent an enormous amount of time on a forum for a videogame called “wild arms”. it was there that i made my first online friends. i joined in roleplay, as i had been introduced to dungeons and dragons recently by my then boyfriend. nimil is actually my real life name in elf, translated by him, and used by me for my d&d character, and then again in the roleplay on that forum.
at first she was trapped in the body of a nephilim named lenora, who was half elf, half angelic (we were not on earth, so angelic is the closest thing i can think of for an “angel”). lenora was a troubled soul, lost from her home land, taken in by travelers, and fell in love with another nephilim, the only other of their kind left in the world, who had issues of his own. he left her, and joined up with their nemisis, who promised him great power. this demi-god had spent a very long time destroying their entire race, and now he had betrayed his own kind to join forces with him.
lenora was broken hearted, and it was then that she died, comitting suicide in a way. she had heard nimil whisper in her mind. nimil was a secondary soul of sorts, and she made a deal with lenora. nimil became the owner of the body, and lenora went to sleep.
nimil however was not a very nice thing. originally an angelic, part of the all-father’s army, she was not unlike the christian’s lucifer. too prideful and stuck on herself and her kind to acknowledge the existence of other beings, she and many others of her kind began a rebellion against their brothers and sisters. it was she and her twin brother nikolai who led a march to take down the all father himself, and they were all cast out of the stars.
nikolai and nimil were separated, and nimil’s body, too damaged to continue life, even as a non-angelic, died. nimil’s soul was left, lost in limbo, until the fates found a suitable host, the body of lenora.
when lenora went to sleep, and allowed nimil full control, she put her plan into action. she would rule this world and this time no god or demi-god would stop her, because this time she would have one on her side. she seduced the god of death, and talked him into making her one of the fates. he bestowed upon her, power over life and death, ripped her from lenora’s body and restored her to her former flesh. nimil raised lenora as a zombie and sent her out, lost, in search of the nephilim boy who betrayed her. nimil’s cruelty knew no limit, and she wreaked havoc upon the land.
realizing his mistake, blinded as he was by her beauty and sweet words, death punished nimil. banishing her to another dimension, stripping her of all but her wings. her powers purged, she was thrown into modern day earth, smashing though a stained glass window, in a city church. nimil fell again…
her story ended here, as this is where the roleplaying tapered off, and i joined second life where i attempted many times to visually capture my muse.
for me nimil was more than a roleplay character. she gave me strength when i felt i had none. through her i was able to bash out all the chaos and bad things that were going on around me. for a while there i ate, breathed, and slept nimil. i wrote up her entire life, and i still have it sitting on my computer, painfully in need of editing. nimil taught me how to write.
nimil is my soul.